


Kinky Shopping

by alley_oops, jennandanica



Series: Citadel: Logan Marshall-Green and KJ Apa [32]
Category: Actor RPF, Citadel (Journalfen RPG), New Zealand Actor RPF, Riverdale (TV 2017) RPF
Genre: BDSM, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:28:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21760894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alley_oops/pseuds/alley_oops, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennandanica/pseuds/jennandanica
Summary: Logan (AU) is ex-military, ex-mercenary, mostly retired, and occasionally works for AU Tommy Flanagan who sponsored him into Citadel. He's also good friends with AU Antony Starr and Stephen Amell*. He has family money as well as his own. He struggles with PTSD. He was involved with AU Rafael Lazzini but that relationship ended roughly 10 months ago. Their storyline can be foundhere.Citadel knows Logan's past occupation(s) and current connections and they couldn't care less as long as he's not involving the organization directly in anything illegal.KJ (AU) is busy traveling the world while he tries to figure out what he wants to do with the rest of his life after having made a huge sum of money from an app he developed. He's been aged up to 31.*their storyline is posted under my name
Relationships: KJ Apa/Logan Marshall-Green
Series: Citadel: Logan Marshall-Green and KJ Apa [32]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1099647
Kudos: 1





	Kinky Shopping

**Author's Note:**

> This is a re-posting (archiving) of all logs for the Logan Marshall-Green/KJ Apa storyline in the BDSM RPS RPG [Citadel](http://citadel.dreamwidth.org/read).

KJ is surprised when Logan parks in front of a nondescript office building. "I thought we were going kinky shopping?" he says, pitching it as a question. Not that he's not relieved they're not at some sketchy-looking head shop, but now he's just perplexed. "This is the place?" He climbs out of the car.

"We are and this is," Logan responds with a grin, quite enjoying himself. It's not quite Citadel, but it's close enough and outside the club, it's the swankiest sex shop he knows of, the neon lurid glow of the corner porn/toy shop not at all appealing to him. "Top floor," he says, taking KJ's hand and leading him inside, heading straight for the elevator and pushing the button. "Remember, this is my treat."

All the way up to the top floor, then they approach a set of carved wooden doors. A discreet brass plaque reads _Byzantium_ , and KJ glances at Logan one more time for confirmation before he pushes the doors open. The sight that greets him inside is a shock: banks of glass cases display ball gags, dildos, anal plugs. An iron rack features a trio of curled leather whips. A mannequin dressed in chain metal bondage gear poses in a corner. "Oh, my god."

"Quite the place, isn't it?" Logan murmurs, smiling, still holding KJ's hand. The lone salesperson is busy with a couple looking at some leather gear and he gives them a nod and a, "Welcome to Byzantium. I'll be with you in a minute."

"It's so... classy," KJ whispers, looking around with wide eyes. "I didn't know places like this existed." He stops and stares at a by-god _prong collar_ , his skin crawling. He's only ever seen those used on dogs, and other uses had certainly never before occurred to him.

"You like it?" Logan asks, watching KJ closely. "Any of these places, some of the stuff's pretty over the top, but they have a good selection of regular stuff too."

KJ glances at his lover with a grin, squeezing Logan's hand. "What do you want to look at first?" he asks, scanning the boutique again. Trying not to look at the other couple's purchases in curiosity.

"Plugs, dildos," Logan grins. "I'm all about your ass, you know that," he teases, his words murmured, kept for them alone.

Sinking his teeth into his bottom lip, KJ tries not to squirm in place. "I love that about you," he says quietly. "But why would I need a dildo with you around?"

"It's not what you'd need. It's what I need," Logan tells him, wrapping an arm around KJ's waist as they look. "With one of these in your ass, my cock can be somewhere else... like fucking your throat."

KJ presses his lips closed, but a soft whimper escapes all the same. "Yes, sir," he whispers, dropping his head to rest on Logan's shoulder for a brief moment. "I like the look of the glass ones, but I don't know."

"The ones with the swirls or the ones with the beads?" Logan asks, picking up a five beaded dildo and hefting it in his hand.

"The one... ohhh." KJ's mouth waters at the sight of the heavy dildo in his sir's grip. "Yeah, that one. That looks like a lot of fun." Had Logan said anything about cock rings? Maybe it would be wise for him to invest in one.

"And maybe a training kit?" Logan suggests, moving onto the sets of the graduated plugs.

"Training kit?" KJ warily eyes the set of plugs. "Like, I wear one of those while I go about my day, doing the laundry and stuff?" _God_. Surely he'll be hard the whole damn time.

"Yeah." Logan nods, noting the salesman is finishing up with the other couple, busy at the front desk wrapping up their purchases. "Does the idea freak you out?"

"I don't know," KJ lies. "I mean, are we talking, like, you're just gonna walk up at some point, take the plug out, and fuck me blind?"

"Pretty much. Occasionally at least," Logan admits. "The rest of the time I'll just tease you. Run my hand over your ass. Casually press against the base. Move you up to the next size."

KJ considers. "Would...?" He chooses his words carefully. They're still in the negotiations phase, right? "Can you promise me I'd be allowed to come at some point?"

"Are you worried about coming without permission?" Logan asks, curious, before he gives his answer. "Or just getting to come at all?"

KJ exhales. "Both, honestly. I think I need to invest in a cock ring if you're going to tease me. And... if you're going to deny me altogether..." He pauses, trying to phrase it as diplomatically as possible. "Then, I think I'll need to mentally prepare for that."

"You should definitely get a cock ring," Logan says. "We'll get a couple kinds. Some go on better when you're hard versus soft." He pauses. "As for the other, I promise you'll get to come at least once a day, sometimes more, and sometimes I'll say no, but while we're still new at doing this together, I won't punish you if you come without permission. I'll just ask that you do your best to hold out. Does that work?"

Silent, KJ considers Logan carefully. He's well aware that many concessions are being made because they're so new to each other, because he's never been in a relationship like this before, because... He nervously chews on his bottom lip. "Yeah," he says softly, and nods, reaching out to link his fingers with Logan's. "Yeah."

"Good. Just make sure you tell me if anything isn't working for you," Logan says, linking back and pulling KJ in close. "I don't have any set idea on how this needs to be. I want us to find what works for us."

KJ nods. "I just want--" he cuts himself off with a shake of his head. "I just want a lot of things," he whispers, unwilling to reveal the depths of his fears to Logan. "I want to please you, but I don't want to lose myself."

"I don't want you to either," Logan assures KJ. "This is about adding another dimension to our relationship, not transforming it, because I love what we have." And then, because he realizes he hasn't made it clear. "I'm not planning on making you use any of this stuff on a daily basis. This is for a few hours here and there or a whole day when we've actually negotiated that. It's something we should both be getting off on, not just you doing it to please me. That's not what I want."

Slowly, KJ nods again. "I love you," he says softly. "I don't want to lose us. And," he glances at the set of graduated plugs, "I think that'd be crazy fun for a few hours or a day."

"So, cock rings, two glass plugs, one with swirls and one with beads," Logan grins. "A training set. What about clamps?"

"Clamps?" KJ echoes, a touch breathless. "Wait, all of them? That's a lot of toys."

Logan nods. "It's a start to our very own toy chest," he says with a smile. "And it's my treat, remember?"

"I remember." KJ ducks his head on a grin. "You're spoiling me," he says, slipping his arms around his lover's waist. Blissfully happy.

"You deserve to be spoiled," Logan says, kissing KJ softly. "So clamps? And you should choose something. Whatever you want, I don't care how outlandish."

"Umm..." KJ looks around, and wanders over to the bondage section. Some of it is hard to figure out, and so the shop helpfully provides pictures. Better than diagrams, he figures. He pauses in front of a mannequin with wrists bound to thighs, and shivers slightly. "That."

Logan exhales softly, his cock giving a rough throb. "Nice choice," he says, gesturing to the salesman who's obviously giving them space. "I think we're ready."

The guy smiles and walks over. "Good afternoon. I'm Keith. What can I help you with?"

Logan points out their choices, the cuff system KJ requested, and Keith makes some suggestions regarding clamps which have them adding some simple tweezer clamps as well as some Japanese clovers to their pile.

There's no hope for it now -- KJ is hard as a spike. Just the thought of Logan using some of these - any of these - on him makes his mind blur, his heartbeat race. "Thank you," he says softly, managing a polite smile for Keith, but all he wants to do is _climb_ Logan and rub against him.

Logan settles their bill and Keith takes his time wrapping everything up in tissue paper and placing it in discreet store-labelled bags. "Are you okay?" Logan murmurs, brushing his fingers against KJ's, noticing how quiet his boy's become.

KJ leans in so that his words are for Logan's ear alone. "I want you to take me somewhere and fuck me blind."

"Didn't we just say I was going to give you a break today?" Logan says, but he's smiling.

KJ struggles not to roll his eyes. "Then come make out with me," he whispers, and reaches out to rub the hem of Logan's shirt between his fingers. "I need you."

"Is there a washroom I can use?" Logan asks Keith as the man hands over their bags.

"Outside, down the hall, the code is 7878," Keith says with a small smile, obviously used to this. "Have a wonderful day and I hope to see you again."

"Thank you," KJ murmurs, taking another loaded sack - damn, they bought a lot - and following Logan out. The washroom turns out to be clean and tastefully decorated - and designed for one, despite its spaciousness. Perfect. KJ sets the shopping bag down on an end table graced with an orchid.

Logan sets his bag to join KJ's and smiles at his lover, crooking a finger at him.

It's all the encouragement KJ needs. He wraps his arms around Logan, hooking a leg over his hip for good measure, and kisses him with a soft hungry sound.

Logan slides his hands down KJ's back, cupping his ass through his jeans and licking into his mouth. It feels so good to be touching his lover, his boy, but he regrets having taken such a firm stance on not fucking him even though he knows it was the right decision. Fuck.

"Sorry," KJ gasps between kisses, "sorry, I know you said-- I just love touching you." He nips at Logan's smooth throat then soothes the sting with his tongue.

Logan shivers at the bite, his cock jerking sharply, his fingers moving lower, teasing at KJ's hole through his jeans. "I love touching you too, and just so you know, it's taking every ounce of willpower I have not to fuck you."

KJ groans and sets his forehead to Logan's, working to calm himself. "I love you," he whispers, because if he can't express himself through touch, at least he still has words.

"I love you too," Logan returns, wrapping his arms around KJ's waist and hugging him close. "Let's take our toys home and we'll play with some clamps and a cock ring."

"Mmm, yes sir," KJ says with a smile, and shivers in anticipation. "Take me home."

* * *

The Audi parked in the garage, Logan grabs the bags from Byzantium and carries them inside, grinning over his shoulder at KJ. "Upstairs," he says. "I want you naked and on your knees in front of the couch in the bedroom. I'll be up in a minute."

KJ grins and races past him up the stairs. Excited? Oh hell yes. He got an erection in the boutique and he's been uncomfortable ever since. Finally he takes his jeans off with a sigh of relief, and the rest of his clothing swiftly follows, although he does take the time to fold it all and set it aside in a neat pile. Logan likes things tidy. Even so, he's soon on his knees as ordered, his cock swollen and flush with blood.

Downstairs, Logan takes the time to locate the cock rings and the various clamps they purchased along with some lube and the smallest plug from the training set. He washes his hands, washes the plug and heads upstairs with his stash, planning on washing and sterilizing everything else later.

Hearing Logan's step on the stairs, KJ straightens his spine and clasps his hands together at the small of his back. On edge but thrilled. He'd like to think he's getting slightly less nervous each time they scene.

"God, I'm a lucky man," Logan says, stepping into the room, eyes travelling over KJ, lingering on both face and cock in turn. He sets the items he'd brought up on the couch and pulls his t-shirt over his head, taking a seat beside the toys.

Looking up, KJ can't help but grin - and do some appreciating of his own. "Don't mind me if I drool," he murmurs, itching to touch Logan's hard body.

Logan grins back. "If you're good, I'll let you drool and touch all you want later."

KJ raises an eyebrow and smothers a laugh. "I'm _always_ good."

"True," Logan allows, his grin widening. "So..." he picks up the two cock rings. "This one is silicone and this one is leather. The leather one can go on when you're hard but it's best to put them on when you're semi-soft or completely flaccid and the silicone one stays on until you start going soft again."

"Are you saying it's too late for that one?" KJ asks, nodding at the silicone. It looks like it would pull and pinch terribly.

"You could force it on but I wouldn't recommend it," Logan says with a smile. "We'll use the leather one for today and put it around your cock _and_ balls." He leans forward, taking KJ's junk in hand and fastening the leather tightly enough to be effective without being too uncomfortable.

KJ hisses softly at the quick bite into tender flesh, then rolls his shoulders and exhales. "Thank you," he whispers, and his eyes glint mischievously, "I think." He did ask for it.

Logan laughs. "Yeah, we'll see about that. Have you used clamps before?"

"Just clothespins. On myself," KJ confesses, reddening slightly.

"There's nothing wrong with that," Logan says, running one hand over KJ's chest, teasing his nipples before moving lower. "Where did you put them?"

"Right there. My nipples," KJ says, his breath catching at the caresses. "That really turns me on."

Logan nods, using both hands now to tease and torment KJ's nipples. "And what's the most extreme thing you've done CBT-wise so far?"

KJ whimpers, and tries not to wriggle. It's a challenge. "When you slapped me," he answers, his breath coming faster now. "I thought about needles, but... I saved that. For you, I'm pretty sure." He looks at Logan from beneath his lashes.

"Lucky me," Logan murmurs, and it's clear he means it. "You've never had clamps put on your cock or balls?" While he's assuming that's more hardcore than slapping, you never know what your partner considers more extreme.

"Jesus Christ, no." KJ stares at Logan, horrified to see that his lover is _serious_ , god. "Won't that...? Won't you do some real damage that way?"

"Not if it's done correctly and they're not left on for too long," Logan assures him. He cocks his head at his boy. "You do realize I'd never do or suggest anything that might actually hurt you, right?"

KJ blinks. "Have you done this before, you mean?"

Logan nods. "Quite a lot actually," he says, wondering if KJ will be bothered by that or relieved.

"Oh." KJ reddens again, embarrassed by his own ignorance. "Um." He nods and takes a deep fortifying breath. "Okay."

"But just because I've done it before doesn't mean that it's not special doing it with you," Logan says, pointing out, "Or that you shouldn't ask questions. I _want_ you to ask questions, especially if you're concerned or confused. Trusting me doesn't mean not asking questions but I want to make sure you know I would never have us do something which would cause permanent damage and I will always honour your safeword, so even if we're doing something I've done a million times before, if you get panicky, if it hurts too much, for whatever reason, I _want_ you to safeword on me."

Silent for a long moment, KJ considers him, his desire to please warring with his insecurities. For once, it looks like the insecurities are winning. "I don't want to come up short," he whispers, his linked hands white-knuckled in their grip. "Against... anyone from before."

Logan understands the sentiment but he needs KJ to know that's never going to happen. "You won't and I'm not measuring you against them anyway. You're you and your reactions and what we do together are the only things I care about," he assures him.

More silence while KJ processes that, and then he nods. He'd thought he dipped a whole foot into the kinky pool, but it's rapidly becoming clear that he barely skimmed the surface. He nods, and whispers, "Will you kiss me?"

"Gladly," Logan says, leaning in and kissing KJ firmly on the mouth. "I love you," he whispers before kissing him again.

"I love you," KJ whispers, leaning in when Logan pulls away. Sitting back, then straightening his posture once more.

"Do you want to ask me anything else?" Logan says, picking up a clamp.

"Are you kidding me? About a million things." KJ grins, his anticipation stretching wire-taut. "But those questions will keep."

"Okay." Logan nods, smiling, reaching out to touch KJ's chest again, tease his right nipple to a rigid peak, gaze locked on his boy, before setting the first clamp in place.

KJ's breath hisses in at the swift bite, which only adds to the tumult of his arousal. He's panting now, nervous and turned on mentally trying to prepare for more.

Logan watches KJ for a moment, murmuring "Good boy," before he sets the second clamp on KJ's left nipple.

Mewling softly, KJ stares at the pearl of precome beading up from the head of his cock. When he lifts his gaze again his vision is hazy, and Logan is all he can focus on.

Fuck. That sound. It goes straight to Logan's cock. As does the way his boy's looking at him. He picks up a couple more clamps and warns KJ, "these are going on your stomach," three placed vertically on one side of his abs before Logan takes a break.

Panting, KJ watches Logan. Winces at the sharp pinches but then nods, his head starting to feel like it's stuffed with cotton.

"Good boy. You're doing so well for me," Logan says, mirroring the design on the other side of KJ's stomach with another three clamps.

Pain streaks like liquid fire through KJ's blood, transmuted by pleasure to a hot glow. He leans in to nuzzle Logan's throat, lips grazing along his lover's jaw.

The move takes Logan by surprise. Despite what he's said, he's used to submissives behaving 'appropriately' but they're here, at home, and he's not really sure he gives a shit about protocol. "There's more," he says instead, softly but firmly, letting KJ do what he needs to do to settle himself.

"Yes, sir," KJ whispers, kneeling up straight once more. Fingers still laced tightly together behind his back, his head a muddle of desire.

"Good boy," Logan says again, cupping KJ's balls in his hand, only two more clamps picked up instead of four. "Tell me you want this."

KJ lets out a low moan. His balls? _Fuck_. He drags open heavy eyelids to focus on his lover. "I want this," he says softly, searching Logan's eyes. "Please, sir."

Logan nods, so hard he's aching now, and places the clamp between KJ's testicles, setting it with his gaze locked on his boy's face, drinking in his reaction.

His whole body jerks and KJ yelps, thrown off balance by the searing pain. He blinks back tears and tries to hold himself steady, vision wavering.

Logan wraps a hand around the back of KJ's neck and presses his forehead to his boy's temple. "I am so proud of you," he says. "And if you want, I'll stop, or there's one more. Today you get to choose."

"Please," KJ pleads in a whisper, still reeling. "Please just touch me." He knows that with enough pleasure, he'll probably beg for that last clamp anyway.

Logan drops his free hand to KJ's cock, kissing him hungrily as he strokes, fingers meeting the ring with every movement.

KJ whimpers, the sound loud in his own ears. The clamps on his body are burning like fire, stoking his lust to a fever pitch, racking him with wicked agony. He pushes into Logan's touch, and after a minute he nods. "Please. One more."

Logan sits back, continuing to stroke KJ for a moment more, eyes locked on his face, before he pinches the skin up from the shaft of KJ's cock and sets the final clamp in place.

That does it. KJ bucks hard, so close to hurtling over the edge that he can taste his orgasm. Clinging in desperation to some awareness, some last shred of self-control. Jesus, the cock ring actually works. "Please," he whispers, tears in his eyes as he looks up at Logan. In this moment, subsumed.

Fuck. Those tears. They steal Logan's breath away. "You want to come, boy?" he asks, fingers teasing over the clamps on KJ's cock and balls.

KJ whimpers and nods. "Please, sir. I- Please." He's in agony, barely knows what he wants.

Logan nods back. "You have permission," he says, unsnapping the leather ring, his hand moving over KJ's cock.

KJ explodes with a howl. His climax stretches out, launching him into the stratosphere, and his vision blurs once more as he slowly floats back down.

"I'm going to take the clamps off, quickly," Logan warns him. "You can hold onto me if you need to." In the order he put them on, cock and balls last.

Another cry, pain moving through KJ in shockwaves. He clutches at Logan's shoulders, fingers digging in.

"Good boy," Logan murmurs. "Come on up here," he urges, pulling KJ up into his lap, arms wrapped around him.

KJ collapses against him, his cheeks wet with tears which he smears against Logan's shoulder. He doesn't have words yet for how intense it was, how completely overwhelming. He can only cling and hope that his breathing will even out soon.

"I love you, and I'm so proud of you," Logan says softly, rubbing KJ's back as he hugs him. Giving him the time he needs to recover.

Slowly soothed, KJ nuzzles Logan's throat. "I need you," he whispers, his voice very small. It's a whole other world from love.

"I'm right here," Logan whispers back.

KJ almost slips into a doze in his sir's arms, but just catches himself. "I made a mess of you," he says, his voice hoarse although he can't puzzle out why.

"I don't care," Logan responds bluntly. "Want to get in bed?" That's the great thing about having a bedroom big enough to scene in. Easy access.

"Yes, sir." KJ slips from Logan's lap and has the presence of mind to tug the duvet back before he clambers onto the bed. Feeling like he could sink right down without a peep.

Logan follows KJ, dropping his jeans beside the bed and climbing in beside him. He wraps his arms around his boy again, pulling him in close and kissing the top of his head. "Go ahead and sleep," he whispers, promising again, "I'll be right here."

"You didn't come," KJ mumbles after a hazy minute of burrowing into his lover's embrace.

"I'll come later," Logan says with a smile, unfazed. Despite still being hard, it's the last thing on his mind right now.

And it's a sign of how spun out KJ is that he actually accepts the answer. "Okay," he whispers, and slips into sleep.

* * *

At first Logan simply lies there, stroking KJ's back, his eyes closed, rays of sun slipping through the cracks in the blinds, enjoying the closeness, the intimacy, but eventually he falls asleep, lightly dozing, still on guard for any movement in his boy.

When KJ wakes he feels like he's dragging himself to the surface through a pool of molasses. His head is still fuzzy and beginning to throb. And, strangest of all, once he finally sits up he doesn't immediately try to burrow back into his sir's arms. Dragging himself out of bed, he heads into the washroom.

Waking as well, Logan cracks one eye open just in time to see KJ pad naked to the ensuite. He rolls onto his side, both eyes open now, pillow punched under his head, watching the door.

Splashing cold water onto his face, KJ tries to scrub the sand from his eyes. When he opens the door he stops short, finding Logan watching him. "Grilled cheese sandwiches okay?" he asks diffidently, guessing they're nearing dinner time by now.

"Sure. You want some help?" Logan asks, sitting up, the sheet falling to pool in his lap.

"I'm good." KJ waves Logan back, then drags on a pair of boxer briefs. "I'm just gonna..." He shrugs and jogs down the stairs.

Something seems a little off but maybe it's because Logan just woke up. He takes his turn in the bathroom, grabs his jeans up from the floor, pulling them back on, and quickly makes the bed.

Slicing tomatoes while the bread sizzles in the pan, KJ pauses to smother a yawn. He can't figure out why he's so tired. Or why he feels so out of sorts, for that matter. He's grumpy as fuck, for all the sense that makes. It was an amazing scene with some of their new toys, and Logan did it all for him and got nothing out of it - so what the fuck is KJ's problem? Shaking his head at himself, he grabs a cold beer.

Logan comes down the stairs and into the kitchen, dropping a kiss on KJ's shoulder as he passes by and grabs another beer for himself. "Do you want to eat outside or in here?" he asks, pulling some plates down from the cupboard.

"I don't know. What's it like outside?" KJ looks up from chopping fresh basil to squint out the window, and nods. "Yeah, let's eat in the garden," he agrees, sprinkling the herbs on top of the melting cheese.

There's definitely something off but Logan can't put his finger on it and he hasn't known KJ long enough to know all his moods. He sets the plates where KJ needs them, takes cutlery, placemats and napkins out to the garden and comes back in. "Do you want me to dig out some chips or put together a quick salad?" he asks, leaning against the island, watching his lover.

KJ shrugs and starts plating up the sandwiches. "Not for me. I don't care." He stacks the dishes and hooks Logan's beer along with his own, emerging into the garden to take an appreciative sniff of the fragrant late-blooming jasmine.

Logan pours a small bowl of chips and follows KJ out. "Are you okay?" he asks bluntly, placing the chips on the table and taking a seat.

KJ glances up at his lover, then drops his gaze to his plate. "I don't know," he says, forcing himself to honesty. "I feel really weird. And my head is killing me."

"Did you take anything for it?" Logan asks, concerned.

"Nah. I probably should. I don't usually get headaches unless I'm hungover." KJ frowns at his sandwich and takes a pull off his beer instead. "That was... intense. Earlier," he adds, although upon reflection Logan likely doesn't need the clarification.

"Yeah, it was, hold on." Logan runs back into the house and grabs two ibuprofen and a glass of water. "Take these," he says, setting both in front of KJ. "Was it too much?" he asks. "Earlier?"

KJ uses the necessary moment to swallow to collect his thoughts - or try, anyway. "I don't know." God, what a broken record. "It was... scary. Submitting to you that hard. Letting you have the power to hurt me even more than you did."

Logan nods. "It _is_ scary," he agrees. "You have to have a lot of trust in the person you're submitting to, and even then... especially when it's all new."

With a sigh, KJ pinches the bridge of his nose. "I don't know if I'm ready for that," he confesses quietly. "And I hate fucking saying that out loud."

Fuck. That takes Logan by surprise, his breath catching, mostly because he's not sure exactly what KJ means. "Ready for what?" he asks. "All of it?" Silently freaking out that KJ's changed his mind completely.

"Ready for... that level of pain. Of fear." KJ scowls, still unable to meet his lover's eyes. "Christ, I sound like such a wimp."

"No, no you don't," Logan says quietly, shaking his head, reaching for KJ's hand and twining their fingers. "Maybe it'll take time, maybe you'll never be, but I'm sure we can find a level we're both happy with."

KJ squeezes Logan's hand, taking the offered comfort. And whispers, "I don't want to disappoint you."

"You're never going to disappoint me," Logan promises, crossing his heart with his free hand. "I know you're new to this, I know we're experimenting. I _need_ to know what's working and what's not, what's too much, all those things."

"What if you get bored?" KJ asks, unable to shed his insecurities quite so quickly. "You know, tired of waiting for me to loosen up?"

"I'm not going to get bored," Logan says firmly, giving KJ's hand another squeeze. "And this relationship is a lot more to me than us scening and what you can or cannot take."

KJ lifts their joined hands and rubs his cheek against Logan's knuckles. The looming legion of Logan's former lovers begins to fade into shadow. "It's more than that to me too."

Logan smiles at the gesture, breathing more easily again. "So we're good then, right?" The words more statement than question.

Blowing out a breath, KJ nods. "Yeah. Starving. You?"

"Same." Logan gives KJ another smile and his hand another squeeze before sitting back to pick up his sandwich. "You make a mean grilled cheese," he says, remembering the toasted brie and tomato KJ made in the cabin in Iceland.

"Yeah, it's my specialty. Kind of like you and pasta." He swallows a bite, and grins for the first time since he woke. "Or you and cold cereal."

Logan laughs. "I can't help it. It's my go-to whenever I'm too lazy to cook," he protests.

"Yeah, I get that," KJ agrees. Assures his lover, "You make a mean bowl of cold cereal." His eyes sparkle.

Logan pretend-kicks KJ under the table, grinning back. "Next time I'm hogging the good stuff. You can have the All Bran."

KJ laughs and polishes off his beer. It's incredibly peaceful being outside this way, in the serenity of the garden overlooking the canal. Seagulls swooping and crying overhead. "I could love it here," he says softly.

"I certainly hope so," Logan says, sitting back, watching KJ. "When we get back, you can redecorate. Make it more your own."

Switching his attention to his lover, KJ smiles to find himself being watched. "I need a weight room," he says, and pats his abs. "I'm getting soft."

"Not even close to being true," Logan points out. "But we can set something up in one of the spare rooms or I have a gym membership you can use." Trusting he'll have introduced KJ to Citadel by then.

KJ nods, watching Logan now. "I love you. I feel like that's something I should tell you when I haven't just come."

Logan smiles at that. "I love you too, and I'm happy to hear it anytime." He blows out a breath, figuring now might be the time to make his confession. "I was worried you were going to change your mind while you were with your mom."

His brow furrows and KJ shakes his head, perplexed. "Change my mind about what?"

"About this, us," Logan makes a gesture encompassing everything. "That you'd decide that we had moved too fast. Or that I'd scared you off with my past."

KJ blinks. "What, did you think I'd just suddenly get over you?" he asks with a laugh. But as he grins at his lover, it abruptly hits him that's _exactly_ what Logan thought. "Oh, my god," he murmurs, the mirth draining from his face.

"I didn't know," Logan says, biting at his lower lip. "Iceland felt like our own perfect little bubble and I thought that maybe once you got away from that, and from me, and spent some time with your mom..." He shrugs, not sure how to put it. "I didn't think you _would_ but I was scared you might."

 _God_. KJ's heart clutches into a knot in his chest. He gets out of his chair and kneels in the grass, laying his head on Logan's thigh. "I love you," he says, his tone firm. "You're stuck with me."

"Good," Logan says, swallowing hard against a throat gone dry, his fingers in KJ's hair. "Because I love you too. So much."

KJ tilts his head back to meet his lover's dark eyes, streaked with gold in the sunshine. "Come make out with me in the grass."

"First the snow, now the grass, just tell me you don't do mud," Logan teases, pushing his plate aside and slipping out of his chair to join KJ on the ground.

"What, no mud wrestling?" KJ straddles Logan's thighs and gently pushes him back to lie flat. "Jelly?" he asks with a lick to his lover's throat. "Whipped cream?"

"Pudding," Logan laughs, cock kicking up at the touch of KJ's tongue. "And maybe mud... some day..."

KJ grins. "You're the adventurous one," he points out, and kisses Logan, melting onto him.

Anything Logan might have said in response in lost in that kiss and he gives up on trying to hold onto it, instead sliding his hands up under the back of KJ's t-shirt, savouring the smooth warm skin beneath his palms.

The caress feels good and KJ rocks his hips slightly, sparks lighting him up. He sucks on Logan's bottom lip with a soft moan.

"We're going to scandalize the neighbours," Logan murmurs between kisses, nibbling and sucking back, his hands moving higher, pushing KJ's t-shirt up.

"You love it," KJ snickers. "You've been the boring neighbor for far too long. Time to get a reputation in your hood."

Logan gives a soft laugh and pushes KJ's t-shirt over his head, the better to get his hands on all of his lover. "I'm pretty sure I have one. It's just not as the resident pervert," he kids.

"That title's still up for grabs, then? Score!" KJ strips his shirt off altogether and tosses it aside. He braces his hands beside Logan's shoulders, and lightly grinds down against him. "How do you suppose they think of you?"

"I'm the quiet mysterious guy living all alone in the big house," Logan says, sliding his hands up KJ's chest and teasing his nipples. "Until now. Now I'm the quiet mysterious guy with some hot young guy living with me."

KJ exhales, his eyes slipping shut for an instant while he simply enjoys the touches. "Hot... not that young... and insatiable."

"You look younger. I bet they all think I'm corrupting you," Logan teases, keeping one hand on KJ's nipples while the other drops to stroke him through his shorts.

"Little do they know then." KJ nibbles hungrily at Logan's jaw. He swiftly hardens, filling Logan's palm, and tries to keep from begging with his words.

Pinching and tweaking KJ's nipples, Logan grinds up against him, hand manipulating him through his shorts, nail digging into the head, into the slit through the fabric.

KJ whimpers, bucks. "Oh god, sir," he moans, attempting to keep the volume down. His nipples are still sore from their earlier adventures, and it's the most seductive agony. "Please, sir. I want you so much."

Jesus Christ. Logan wants KJ too -- so badly he aches. "If I fuck you, it's going to be nice and slow and I am going to take it easy on your ass. Or you can wait til tomorrow."

"I can handle nice and slow," KJ is quick to promise. "Just need you inside me, however I can get you."

"We'd better go inside then," Logan says, wondering if he's being an idiot and should have stuck to his guns.

KJ nearly protests the move, but it's true: the houses here are really close together. He gets to his feet and offers Logan a hand up, then picks up their plates to bring inside.

"We'll clean up later," Logan says, taking the plates from KJ and setting them on the island. "Right now I want you upstairs, naked."

"God yes sir," KJ mutters, and is already undressing by the time he's halfway up the steps. As self-conscious as he is about his body when he knows he's being watched, getting naked for Logan has always been a good thing, leading to better things. He tosses his clothes into the hamper and looks around like he'll find a clue. Then goes with simply kneeling by the bed. Can't hurt, right?

Logan moves the pan into the sink with some soapy water and makes sure they haven't left anything out that needs soaking before he follows KJ upstairs. His cock jerks at the sight of his lover kneeling. "I want to watch you prep for me," he says, voice soft but firm as he undresses and stretches out on the bed. "There's lube in the drawer. You can kneel on the bed."

"Yes, sir," KJ whispers, rising to his feet. He snags the lube and kneels up on the bed, slicking two fingers. He's still somewhat prepped from this morning, but that was a long time ago, and he knows full well that Logan is trying to make it easier on him. So he slips his fingers into his ass with a little moan, rocking them in and out. His skin doesn't crawl quite the way it did two weeks ago; it feels a little more natural now even though he knows he's being watched. Shutting his eyes and tuning out everything but how damn good it feels.

If they were actually scening, Logan would order KJ to open his eyes, but they're not and he won't. Instead he simply drinks in the sight, watching KJ's cock jerk with the penetration. "You are so fucking beautiful," he says softly, head on his hand, gaze intent on his boy.

When Logan says that, KJ nearly agrees, seeing himself for an instant through his lover's eyes. He whimpers and twists his fingers, dragging over his sweet spot. Three fingers now, and precome beads up on his cock; it's a relief to allow it, giving in to his body's natural impulses.

"Good boy," Logan praises, his own cock kicking up at that whimper, aching to be inside KJ again.

"Sir..." KJ begins fucking himself with his fingers, gently rocking on his knees. He gasps as heat streaks through him, and drags open his eyes to focus on Logan. "Please," he whispers, slamming his fingers roughly into his ass.

"Gentle, or you won't be getting my cock," Logan says firmly.

KJ whimpers in protest but slows down, taking it easier. It's not that he doesn't want to obey; it's just that he gets so excited...

"Good boy," Logan praises then rolls onto his back. "You can ride me. _Slowly._ " The reminder meant for himself as well as KJ.

"Thank you, sir." KJ wipes the excess lube off his hand, and straddles his lover. He takes Logan's cock in hand, giving him a few long strokes simply for the pleasure of it. Then fits the head to his hole and slowly takes him inside.

Eyes locked on KJ as that soft tight heat envelopes him, Logan bites down hard on his lower lip, a moan of pleasure welling up from deep in his chest, his hands going to KJ's thighs, lightly gripping them, resisting the urge to thrust.

"God, you sound so sexy," KJ whispers. He angles back so that Logan's cock drags against his prostate, and shudders with hot liquid pleasure.

"And you look so sexy," Logan returns, hands sliding up from KJ's thighs to his chest, fingers pinching lightly at his nipples once more. "Feel so fucking good."

KJ mewls softly and pushes into the touches. He's a little sore from the clamps earlier, but it's a tantalizing pain. He wants more of it.

"Does it hurt?" Logan asks, even though he knows the answer, his fingers eliciting more of those sounds, those mewls, those whimpers, his cock throbbing, buried deep inside KJ's ass.

"Yes," KJ gasps, his body flushing with heat. He eases off, then takes his sir's full length in one downward push, careful to keep the pace easy. "You feel fucking amazing."

"So do you," Logan says, rocking his hips a little. "Don't _ever_ doubt this is what I want," he adds, working KJ's nipples to red rigid peaks. "To be inside you, fucking you, making you take my cock again and again..."

" _Yes_." KJ's nipples are stinging, burning now, and fuck it feels sublime. He can't help the way he gradually speeds up, but he doesn't let himself go crazy like he usually would - just dwells right here, in this space just past sane and barely shy of too much.

Logan starts meeting KJ's movements, their rhythm in sync, arousal flushing hot down his throat and across his shoulders. "Oh, fuck," he breathes, dropping one hand to KJ's cock, stroking roughly, his other hand still tormenting KJ's nipples. "I'm going to fill you, boy. I am going to come so fucking hard in your ass."

KJ yells. His whole body stiffens as he clamps down on his arousal. "Please!" he begs, skittering madly along the edge. "Oh god, sir, I can't-!"

"Go ahead, boy. Come," Logan orders, twisting his hand on KJ's cock just so.

It's the last piece. KJ shouts and sprays hot onto his lover's chest. He rockets through the blackness, clenching rhythmically around Logan's cock, near delirious with pleasure.

Logan holds out as long as he can but he's still quickly done for, the clench of KJ's body demanding that he follow, and he does, coming hot and heavy inside his boy, filling him as promised.

KJ feels wet, sloppy. Blissful. He slowly drops down to cover Logan, head on his lover's shoulder and a laugh on his lips.

"Happy?" Logan asks with a grin, wrapping his arms around KJ.

"God, yes." KJ presses lazy kisses to Logan's throat. "So happy."

"Your sir is a pushover," Logan says with a soft laugh, amused. "I couldn't even keep my cock away from your ass for one day."

"Were you trying to? Really trying?" KJ asks, pulling back to look at Logan, contrite. "I'm sorry, I thought... I mean, we took it really easy. I thought that's what you wanted, ultimately. Not, like... _no sex_." A look of horror settles on his face.

Logan laughs and pulls KJ back down. "I'm kidding," he says. "This was amazing and if we intersperse this sort of thing with the other, we'll be good, and more importantly, your ass will be good." He grins and kisses KJ.

"Yeah? My ass will be good?" KJ grins and kisses Logan, licking into his mouth. "I love you. So much. It's crazy."

"It is, isn't it?" Logan says softly, smiling up at KJ. "But at least we're crazy together."  



End file.
